When was the last time you heard a bagpipe? No, seriously. Was it during an epic movie montage? A wistful wedding ceremony? Or was it drowned out on your Spotify playlist after the algorithm decided that everyone prefers “lo-fi beats” over, well… ancient Celtic soul?
It’s time we did something about this. Today, I propose a noble cause for music lovers and cultural enthusiasts alike—support an endangered instrument. Hire a piper.
The Bagpipe’s Battle for Survival in a Synthwave World
The bagpipe’s struggle for relevance in the modern world is real. While electric guitars scream on rock stages and DJs spin tracks with the slick confidence of, well, someone who’s never hauled a wind-powered octopus under their arm, bagpipers battle on the cultural fringes.
Sure, there was that attempted “bagpipe renaissance” in the early 2000s, but sadly, it didn’t catch on like vinyl records did. Taylor Swift isn’t collaborating with pipers (yet), and the Billboard charts remain shockingly devoid of pipe-driven hits. Meanwhile, synthesizers have auditioned their way into pop, dance—and even sea shanties, somehow! But bagpipes? Still waiting for their moment in the sun. Or maybe just a “Hot Pipes Summer.”
When Bagpipes Crash Modern Music Parties
Imagine Joe, a forward-thinking bagpiper, pitching himself to a progressive rock band. Their reaction? A murmur of intrigue followed by the inevitable logistical panic. “Oh, you’re here with… that instrument. Cool, uh, do we need a fog machine? Backup dancers? An oxygen tank?”
And then there’s the actual practice. Bagpipes don’t merely enter a jam session—they take it hostage. While Jim on bass quietly tunes his strings, Margaret on keys delicately warms up her riffs, Joe's bagpipe comes in at 130 decibels, sounding like a very determined goose leading a Viking charge. Collaboration becomes… an adventure.
Glorious (and Awkward) Bagpipe Cameos
To be fair, bagpipes do have their moments of shining glory. Want to add drama to a birthday party? Hire a piper. Need to send a coworker off into retirement with more flair than another Costco cake? Bagpipes to the rescue! Want to confuse and excite a group of kindergartners learning about musical instruments? Bring in Joe. They’ll never forget what a bagpipe is (or the noise it makes).
Still, it’s not all smooth sailing. Take weddings, for example. A bridal party walking down the aisle to the sound of bagpipes is undeniably majestic. But imagine the organist nervously watching as the bagpiper eats through their precious adagio moment. Or Grandma, clutching her hearing aid, wondering what on earth possessed them to bring the Scottish Avengers to her granddaughter’s big day.
Bagpipes and Other “Endangered” Instruments
Of course, the humble bagpipe is not the only under-appreciated musical artifact. It belongs to an elite group of endangered instruments that face extinction in a world obsessed with sleek electronics. Take the triangle, for instance—a heroic yet simple instrument often heard ringing its lone ding somewhere at the back of an orchestra. Its entire job is to chime in just before the conductor forgets it exists.
Or the slide whistle, relegated to sitcom sound effects and the occasional weird jazz solo. Honestly, it’s an instrument that only gets respect when someone falls down a cartoon staircase. Justice for slide whistles!
Why You Should Hire a Piper
Here’s the thing—pipers don’t just play music. They create an experience. An emotion. A vibe. Whether they’re serenading you at dawn on a misty hilltop (why are you even awake?) or crashing your backyard BBQ with an uninvited solo, bagpipes add something no synth, loop pedal, or Spotify playlist can.
And hiring a piper is an act of cultural rebellion! You’re not just supporting live music—you’re saying, “I believe in tradition, boldness, and instruments that double as medieval weapons.” You’re keeping “Highland chic” alive in a world obsessed with TikTok dances.
The Call to Action (a.k.a. The Plea)
Of all the majestic and misunderstood sounds in the world, the bagpipe remains the most deserving of your love, patience, and earplugs. By hiring a piper, you’re preserving more than just an art form. You’re preserving a mood, a distant cry from the hills, and a determination to make modern life just a little louder—and a little weirder.
Support an endangered instrument today. Contact your local bagpiper. (Yes, we promise they exist!) Or at the very least, send them a nice “thank you” Spotify playlist featuring “Now That’s What I Call Bagpipes Vol. 1.”
The world will thank you. Or at least hum along. Kind of.